Phase one is everything, phase two is everything else.

- Gorgeous does project management

«Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an Earth-shattering kaboom?!»

- Marvin the Martian

Sorry, sweetheart, but nothing you «rinse out» is going to leave any impression on my hair. Spot-welding followed by a coat of industrial-strength shellac can leave an impression...

- Gorgeous instructs the hairdresser

« Life's a game of pick-up sticks, Played by fucking lunatics »

- t.A.T.u., Show Me Love (misquoted)

«I block Facebook at layer 3, only because blocking it at layer 2 would be ineffecive, and at layer 1 probably illegal.»

- Gorgeous's views on antisocial media

«Muttley, DO SOMETHING!!!»

- Dick Dastardly

What's the difference between JavaScript and Java?
One is essentially a toy, designed for writing small pieces of code, and traditionally used and abused by inexperienced programmers. The other is a scripting language for web browsers.

- Shog9 (stackoverflow.com)

«That's not an IP address. That's a malformed MAC address with extra rivets.»

- Verity Stob on IPv6

«What part of "Get out of the fucking way" would you like me to explain in greater detail, MORON!»

- Gorgeous patiently interprets the Highway Code to a fellow traveller on life's highway

«Below the surface I believe there is a place of love and wonder, where all we are and dare to be is fearlessly discovered»

- Rishloo, Katsushika

«Some people like to go out in the sun and get skin cancer. I like to go out in the rain and get Athlete's foot.»

- Gorgeous explains the collection of wet shoes and socks in the hallway

«Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.»

- Unknown

«They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.»

- The Duke of Wellington, on early steam railroads (and the real thinking behind "road pricing" and "congestion charging")

«All this eco-bollocks is a bit like pissing in the Pacific ocean to prevent a drought in the Sahara: ineffective and pointless.»

- Gorgeous being asked to reduce, reuse, recycle

Professional: Does the quickest and cheapest possible job for the highest possible price.
Amateur: Does the best job he can for the lowest possible price.

- Gorgeous needs to "Get a man in"

«Sometimes you need to reinvent the wheel, not because you need wheels, but because you need inventors.»

- Unknown

«I don't mind getting socks for christmas, as long as they're still on your feet when you give them to me.»

- Gorgeous admits to having a foot fetish

«Blue is beautiful. Blue is best. I'm blue! I'm beautiful! I'm best!»

- The Blue Voice, from Dougal and the Blue Cat

«When it says "My Computer" on that little icon on your screen, you need to remember just who put it there...»

- Gorgeous explains Windows 7 Windows 10

Chav light. n. Blue light used as a mating sign by the daytime TV watching classes. Often found in unusual places such as car windscreen washer jets.

- Gorgeous

«All I need is to remember how it was to feel alive»

- Aurora, Winter Bird

«Socks, I said I like Socks

- Gorgeous is misheard

«'Being green' used to mean Naïve and easily led. It still does.»

- Gorgeous on "The environment"

«Above 1000 volts, insulators and conductors take on more of an advisory role.»

- Gorgeous contemplating the eyebow-less look for the next season

«Marketing is a multi-level system used to duck responsibility by all those involved in all phases of the thought-killing process.»

- Artemy Lebedev

«The government, and the lay public, are increasingly of the opinion that anyone who does anything after work other than drink beer and watch their 99 channels of dreck is a terrorist.»

- Paraphrased Slashdot post

«One can tolerate a multitude of demons for the sake of one angel»

- Dr. Who - The Girl in the Fireplace

«Will give foot rubs for chocolate»

- Gorgeous on a diet

«Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward from the floor -- especially in the dark.»

- anon.

«...because of the company's bureaucratic QA practices, genuises are hardly more productive than average programmers - both spend 95% of their time completing QA forms...»

- From "The Daily WTF"

«Real Daleks don't climb stairs, they level the building.»

- Unknown

«"Tamahome!!!" - "Miaka!!!"»

- Fushigi Yûgi

Shaving...

j: Where've you been?
g: Blowing a hedgehog
j: ?
g: Trying a wet shave, but the end results the same
g: My face is cut to ribbons and there's a funny taste in my mouth
j: ...
j: You're doing it wrong

«You know, just once I'd like to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets»

- Lethbridge-Stewart (Dr. Who)

«Milk below!»

- Trilby O'Farrell

«I have absolutely no interest in listening to some jerk having multiple orgasams watching a couple of dozen overpaid egos kick a ball up and down a field»

- Gorgeous on Saturday afternoon TV

«Don't philosophise with me, you electronic moron!
      The Turing test - as interpreted by Kerr Avon»

- Julia Jones - Usenet Sig

«So smile for a while and let's be jolly, love shouldn't be so melancholy»

- Lynn Anderson, Rose Garden

«Pubs: where sad people go to pretend they have a life»

- Gorgeous

«White socks look better wet»

- Amberly

«People = Shit»

- Slipknot